Discussing Present Needs

As your conversations with the birth mother continue, you will want to work through several important issues.

First, you will want to be sure that the birth mother receives appropriate prenatal care. This is one of several things which adoptive parents are allowed to pay for.  If the birth mother has health insurance coverage or is eligible for Medicaid, assistance may not be an issue.  If the birth motehr has had no care up to the time when you meet with her, you may have the opportunity to choose a physician in whom you have particular confidence.  In some cases, the birth mother may need help with transportation for medical appointments.  It is perfectly appropriate for you to drive her there.  Some birth mothers may allow the adoptive mother to participate in her discussion with the physician.

Second, you will need to address the issue of the birth mother’s need for housing and food prior to and subsequent to her delivery.  Virginia allows you to pay for room and board only during the period of time covered by a written statement from the birth mother’s physician to the effect that she is unable to work because of the pregnancy.  In my experience, doctors are generally willing to make such a written statement covering approximately four to six weeks prior to and subsequent to delivery.

Third, you should ask the birth mother if she would like to receive counseling concerning her decision, and you should be willing to pay for it if necessary.  She will receive some limited counseling from the social worker who conducts the Home Study, but she may need a good deal more than this.  Far more birth mothers accept counseling after delviery of the child and placement with the adoptive family, than receive counseling prior to delivery.  Many birth mothers go through very difficult post partum and grieving issues after delivery and placement.

It is important to realize that not every professional counselor is qualified to deal with unique adoption issues.  Your adoption attorney is your best source of referral for counselors who are qualified in this area.