How Much Do I Reveal?

There is a natural fear of revealing personal information to a stranger. You might feel you should not have to do this.  While the feeling is understandable, it is simply something you will have to overcome. A birth mother has a right to know cerain things about you.  In fact, she needs to know these things in order to make an informed decision. There are a few rules to remember, however, in deciding what is appropriate to reveal and what is not.

She needs to know generally where you live. She does not need to know the address.

She needs to know you earn a sufficient income to support a child. She does not need to know the exact amount.

She needs to know about your education and what you do for a living. She does not need to know the name or address of your employer.

She needs to know a little bit about your families of origin. She does not need to know their names of addresses.

She needs to know your beliefs. She does not need to know the name of the particular church you attend.

She needs to know what your plans are for the child and that you have sufficient assets to provide for those plans. She does not need to know who much money have have in the bank.

She needs to know that you are healthy. She does not need to know your medical history.

She needs to know that you are morally fit. She does not need to know if you were ever arrested for a misdemeanor or a traffic offense.

She may want to know if you are willing to have continuing contact with her in some manner in the future.  (See later blog on Open Adoptions). She does not at this time need a commitment to any particulars.

Keeping the above in mind, you should be able to determine what is appropriate to reveal with respect to other questions that might arise.